Landscape: Sangti River

Digital landscape painting referencing Sangti River from Google Maps.

I pretty much used one brush the majority of the painting. I was trying to go for Nathan Fowke's level of simplicity in his landscape studies--almost abstract--but I often found myself getting caught up in the details and trying to render trees, rocks, ripples, and people. That is something I will need to continue to practice--simplifying my strokes so that I capture the general impression of things and being sure not to lose the clarity of the composition as a whole.

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First Complete Painting

This is the most complete digital painting I've done thus far. I must admit, I really surprised myself with this one. It's perhaps the best work I've done! There's still something amateurish about it that I can't quite place. A bit overworked in some areas and a bit underworked in others maybe. Or maybe too muddied in the background? Constructive criticism is welcome if you have any thoughts.

I didn't initially set out to paint this. I had started out trying to do a character study for an existing red panda design, but I fell back into old perfectionistic ways and ended up with one seriously crappy-looking red panda. And I mean like Jesus-fresco-restoration-fail crappy. I backed away from my workstation before my overdramatic brain could question what I was doing with my life.

I didn't want to end the day feeling like a failure though; it was important for me to leave feeling at least a smidge hopeful. So after a refreshing walk, I decided to switch approaches and try painting from photo reference (of this adorable Mohini from the Auckland Zoo!). This approach was thankfully much more successful. 

I later revisited the character study that I had initially failed at, this time with a renewed sense of freedom, similar to what I experienced in making the hippo. I will post it another day. :)

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A Hippo and Breakthrough

I had a breakthrough yesterday that resulted in this little guy!

First, a confession: For years, I've hated drawing and painting. Seriously hated it. I guess it's evident in how meager this art blog is. I've dreaded picking up a pencil/stylus, putting marks on paper/screen, and feeling like a failure every step of the way. All the images posted on this blog until now were the product of many miserable hours filled with frustration and helplessness, hating every mark I made and dreading the next.

Painting this hippo, however, was unusually painless. I wasn't paralyzed by perfectionism at any point. I might even say I enjoyed the process. (Rocking out to Hamilton may also have helped.)

The breakthrough didn't just happen out of the blue. It was the result of months of deliberately crafting a creative process that would liberate me from the perfectionism that has plagued all of my artistic endeavors. I studied and experimented with the processes of other artists, noted what was freezing me up, and then figured out ways to trick my brain into bypassing its hang ups.

I also spent an obsessive amount of time hunting down, testing, and creating Photoshop brushes that simulated traditional media (the original brush sets are too obviously digital and uninspiring to me). I studied the elegant brushstrokes of Nathan Fowkes' beautiful gouache landscape paintings and then designed brush shapes and tweaked parameters until they laid down color just the way I wanted them to.

When I eventually sat down and doodled a hippo silhouette, I actually didn't mind doodling another, and another, and another. Usually after drawing one single character, a heaviness settles in me, and I feel I cannot pick up the pencil to draw ever again. Either I hate what I've drawn, and I don't want to draw another ugly thing, or I'm pleasantly surprised by what I've drawn, and I swear I won't be able to draw anything as good ever again; that's it... that drawing, right there, is the peak of my illustration career.

But this time, doodling hippo shapes was a form of play: "Let's see how else I can pose him!" "What if I made his legs smaller?" "Haha, he looks so funny!"... The silhouettes began to grow features and shading and colors. Shadows grounded him, and grass sprung up around him.

Essentially, taking the time to truly own my craft and artistic medium finally opened the doors to this spirit of play and experimentation and enjoyment of process that eluded me for so long. I no longer see painting as a rigid, unforgiving trap waiting to cage me into feeling like a failure.

Yes, it took me 15+ years to get here. Don't judge me!  :]


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Still Alive

Oh yeah... this thing that I have on the web. What do they call it? A "blog"?

I've decided to start posting again. Since 2014, I've felt my soul wither, lost all sense of meaning, struggled with health issues, had multiple existential crises, and started experiencing panic attacks. It's been a bit rough, but I'm on the mend.

The past couple years have been a period of latency–not really producing anything but reorganizing my brain, figuring things out, and healing. I finally feel like I'm at a place where I can be productive again.

I'm still alive; it's time to create stuff.

Eternally Loved

Wrap-around art! The story of a stuffed rabbit who gets passed on from generation to generation.

Rumi Character Design

歩こう